Sunday, March 1, 2015

Negativity: How It Can Help, How to Do It Respectfully & How to Handle It

        Let's face it, you can't please everyone and you're bound to run into it at some point on the internet or in the real world. Although probably more so on the internet because on the internet those sitting behind a computer screen are faceless and nameless and think that they can throw whatever they want out there into space and it's OK. Well, it's not.

        Negative remarks can be a good thing, but it depends on how it's done. Everyone needs constructive criticism once in a while. In honesty that is how we get better at what we do. It tells us what we need to do differently to achieve our goals in life. And in that regards, positivity, although we love hearing it, doesn't really help us grow. But it's how it's done that can make or break the deal. If done properly it can help, if done in a brash, hurtful, threatening, violent or destructive way, that can be detrimental to anyone and can damage that person or what they are trying to achieve. I know that you are going to run into people you don't like, or things you don't like, or you don't like how someone does their hair or make-up, etc,. But truly if it makes that person happy who are you to tell them any different? It's OK to say, "Hey! You know that color really doesn't go well with your eyes." or "You know if you do it like this you can get it done faster", etc,. But to down right degrade someone and hurt their feelings over something that in the end is so trivial or minute in the grand scheme of things, who does that really help?

        I have always lived by the rules of etiquette that my grandparents taught me, "Treat others as you would want to be treated". Seriously, would you want someone bashing you and tearing down your confidence? Would you want someone tearing down your dreams and ambitions? No, then don't do it to others, point blank. I know it's easy to do when you are basically anonymous and no one knows who you are, etc,. But again, would you want someone doing it to you? If not then again, DON'T DO IT! It's that simple. It doesn't make you cool or make people respect you for it, and if they do respect you for it or think you're cool for doing it, then those really aren't the people you would want in your life because they will turn around and do it to you in a heartbeat.

        Another thing we should look at is why people would do such a thing. Are they doing it because they are jealous or because they don't have the courage to put themselves out there? Because in all reality, that's truly one of the real reasons behind it, they just won't admit it. Most people that would sit behind a computer screen and call others out in such a malicious way are really feeling badly about themselves and when they see others doing what they wished they could do or had the courage to do they lash out in hateful ways. Or maybe they just aren't a good person to begin with and have issues of their own they need to deal with. And of course that's not fair to those that they are adversely affecting, but they find no other way to deal with their own issues or shortcomings. Those people need to make others look bad to somehow in their mind make themselves look better. And of course another reason could be because people by nature are scared of what they don't understand or don't have experience in. Someone who has been skinny all their life, for instance, has no idea what it's like to be overweight or why, so they make fun of anyone who is overweight because they don't understand it. Everyone thinks that if you eat right and you're active you'll be skinny too. And that is by far from the truth because there are so many factors that cause or create obesity. I wish I could put people in the shoes of those that they hate on because I think it would open their eyes to how the other person feels.  Now there are other reasons that people lash out in negative ways, but these are the most common reasons. So the next time someone hates on you just remember that it's usually because they are not happy with themselves or having other issues in their life that causes them to lash out at others. And if you look at it from that stand point it will help you immensely because you will realize that it's really not you that they are lashing out at. It doesn't make it right, but it'll help ease the pain.

        The biggest thing that people need to remember is to not feed into the negativity. Let those people and those comments be. I know it's hurtful, but just delete it and walk away from it. If you bite back you are truly encouraging them and giving them the power because you are giving them control of the situation. But if you just delete it and walk away, they have nothing. No power because they have nothing to come back with. Oh, they may try to come back at you again, but if you just keep deleting them and not engage with them, they'll eventually give up and move on to someone else. Sad but true. Be true to yourself and do what you need to do to better yourself and make yourself happy. Don't let others hurt you or veer you off your path because you will only be hurting yourself in the end.

        Again, I know that no one wants to be told no, or that you don't fit in or that what you are doing is not pleasing to everyone. But you can't please everyone. There are way too many different opinions, likes/dislikes and ideas out there in the world to please everyone. And I also know that by nature we are pretty much a negative species and need to make a conscious decision to be positive and that it doesn't come to some as easy as others. But if you stay true to yourself and stay on your path to enlightenment and achievements you will succeed and win. And to those that think they are being cool or being respected by others for knocking, hurting or maiming others, you're not. You are only making yourself in the end look bad. Put yourself in that persons shoes and think to yourself, what if it was me? would I want to be talked to or treated like that? Whether you are anonymous or not, it's not OK to hurt others and maybe you should take a good hard look at yourself if you feel you have the need to. If you do however feel the need to share your opinion, because in the end that is all it is "your opinion", then do so in a respectful and non-confrontational way. Do it in a way that will help them in their goals not hinder them as I'm sure you would not want others to do to you. Others will respect you more and you will be able to look at yourself in the mirror and still love and respect yourself. If you help lift others, others will help lift you.

        If it is a loved one in your life that causes negativity in your life, I truly feel for you. I know from personal experience that it's a difficult choice, but you really need to walk away from them and distance yourself from them. If you don't, they will only continue to bring you down. I have walked away from several people in my life because they are ugly people and negative and tried to push it on me or get me involved. But you have to do it for you. You can only make excuses for that person or let them bring you down for so long before you yourself get brought down into their darkness. You can still hold a place in your heart for them. Maybe if you walk away it will also make them question why and can possibly help them in the long run. But you can't change people, they have to want to change and make those changes on their own.

        One last thing, if you do criticize someone in a negative way, don't just do it and walk away. Offer them a solution that may help them in their journey or with their goal. It's one thing to criticize someone, but it's another to try and help them solve their mistakes. This is another way to criticize positively or respectfully. By saying, "Those jeans may not be the right choice for you, maybe try these jeans instead", is the best way to constructively criticize someone. It shows that you care about them and you want to help them rather than tear them down or hurt them. I know this is just an example, but it is criticism that will be better received and will actually help them learn from their mistakes/choices. Just don't get offended if they don't take your advice because in the end it is their decision and they are here on Earth to make themselves happy just like you are.

        I know there may be a lot of redundancy or too much of my opinion in this matter, but I'm trying to get a point across none the less. I truly care about people and always want someone feeling happy/positive when in my presence or when dealing with others. I do believe in Karma and I believe that what you put out there comes back tenfold. If you are nasty to others then bad things will happen to you, but if you are good to others then good things will come. It may not be right away, which I know is human nature to want instant gratification, but patience will bring better things in the end. I just hope this post can help one person either feel empowered or make someone think twice before posting something malicious. That really is one of my major goals in life, to help others. If I can help one person in a positive manner because of my life experiences, advice, encouragement, love for others, etc,. then that is what makes my life worth while. Above all remember, "Only you can love you the best!". Love yourself and positive things will happen.

        As always, feel free to leave your comments on this post whether it is an experience you had, how you handle negativity, or how you feel about the subject. Maybe what you have to say will help someone else. But as always, keep it friendly.

        As Always Huge Hugs to All of You!!!
        Jewel S.

No comments: